Ep 270: Following Our Rhythm, Knowing When to Let Go

Whadddup, Listener homie!

I hope you're listening to this final episode thinkin' Daang, Akilah really helped me get more aligned with the type of person I wanna be.

Who are you now that you have experienced some of these conversations here on the podcast? My answer to that question is that I am more zoned in on the embodiment of the unschooling skills, which currently look like:

• Shifting my seminary studies from interfaith/interspiritual ministerial ordination to Integrative Thanatology at the Art of Dying Institute (this is so aligned with what the past four years have taught me!)
• more somatic movement tings (been studying the Feldenkreis method and doing more Dancehall-centric freestyle movements lately)
• Savor Complex Work (wrote about it on my new-ish newsletter here)
• Being at home with my family and present for all the ways love live here

This podcast has been such a belonging-maker in my life--thank you for being part of this! In our finale episode, I offer the fifth care package of how-to guides to navigate this work: Been Unschooling and now Ready to Deepen My Shit. 

You'll hear me talk about moving into grounded confident autonomy, and provide some perspective and reassurances to help you trust and honor your wisdom. It's big spiritual work, and for some of us, it's happening at the same time we're  witnessing what children need from us and how we are responding to that.

I also give you the ways to stay connected with this type of work, including the resources on Schoolishness.com, my Patreon page, the Fare of the Free Child Podcast YouTube channel, as well as the wisdom from all the episodes that live on raisingfreepeople.com. Every single episode this season was dedicated to YOU feeling equipped to start or continue your journey towards raising and being free people.

With plenty love,
Akilah

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

This week on Fare of the Free Child podcast.

Speaker 2: 0:09

The final episode of Fare of the Free Child podcast starts now!

Speaker 1: 0:21

You can't keep using tools of oppression and expect to raise free people.

Speaker 2: 0:32

Peace and love.

Speaker 2: 0:33

Akilah S Richards here, final episode. First of all, I want to absolutely start out with gratitude. It has been levels of everything really to be in conversation and, in some cases, community with you. I started this from a place of anger and sadness, frustration, longing, which I'm, recognizing the connection between longing and belonging, and that's what this podcast has been really a journey from longing to belonging, experiencing a sense of belonging, inviting it, being a co-conspirator in different people's successful belonging efforts, their efforts to belong and to create spaces where other people felt that they belonged, knew that they belonged, and sometimes, when something serves or someone invites a sense of belonging, it can be hard to let that person, that relationship, that experience go. It can be hard to let it go. I am not about to play those games with this podcast, because I know that it is time to let it go. I find myself less concerned with unschooling as a pathway, and more so who unschooling has shaped, in me in particular. Which parts of myself was I able to let go of as a result of going down this journey through the portal called unschooling? Who are my daughters now? Who is Kris now as my partner, as their father? Who are you as someone who has been going through your own unschooling journey over the years? Who has it shaped? Where do you belong? Where have you left because you did not belong? I'm just more zoned in on the embodiment of the unschooling skills and I really need to investigate, explore, nurture belonging in that space, and it is different than what Fare of the Free Child is for /was for.

Speaker 2: 3:27

In this episode I'm going to do a couple of things. One I'm going to offer you that fifth care package. There were five things I wanted to leave you with how to guides, so to speak, for navigating all of this information that I've put out and been part of over the past seven or eight years. A beginner's path we've talked about A path of moving from homeschooling to more confident, autonomy centric practices. We did a for me, not them path. We did a pervasive whiteness naming that and navigating that path. And then this week we're going to talk about the been unschooling and now ready to deepen my ship path.

Speaker 2: 4:15

I'm also going to tell you five places where you can get the type of work that you are getting on Fare of the Free Child. And, of course, there are so many podcasts that have been out, and now there are even more podcasts that are out that give you this more expansive, more inclusive, less school or not school type of approach to raising free people and unschooling. I'm following a lot of those people on Instagram. I also try to share in my stories other podcasters who are doing this type of work. So I'm not saying that this is the only place where you could get it, but what I am saying is that there are specific places that are making sure that this work, the effects of this work, the impact of this work, live on. So I will tell you those five spaces as well the Been Unschooling and Now Ready to Deepen my Shit Path.

Speaker 2: 5:22

So you've been unschooling, you get it. You're not doing school at home. You have your moments because we're all deschoolers up in here, but you are ready to deepen your path? You want to get all up in the spiritual aspects of this work. If you already are, you just want to name it and be more intentional about it.

Speaker 2: 5:44

For that path, there are two specific feelings that I want to address. The first one is being on the spiritual path of unschooling right, and then the feeling you're having is oh my God, am I doing enough for them. When it comes to your children, they may be out of school like maybe you've pulled them from school or maybe they're in school but you are absolutely doing unschooling practices. It is real and true. In your life you are having conversations about the difference between what you want for your kids and what they're saying they want. You are honoring their nos and their yeses. They address how they're comfortable, not how you're comfortable. You continue to invite conversations about the things that you might not agree with or understand. Right.

Speaker 2: 6:31

You're doing that type of work and at the same time, you're also feeling big doubts. You're not sure whether you're stepping in when you're supposed to, or if you're stepping in too much or if you're not doing enough for them. Should you be requiring them to do certain things? Should you be involved in more spaces to find out more about the opportunities available for them? You know that that I'm not doing enough, feeling that we, as parents tend to have Many of us for that feeling. Remember that that feeling is oftentimes just your wisdom checking in with you. It's just the part of you that wants to make sure that you are honoring how important this is. You are looking at the angles that might not be readily apparent. That's just more of your wisdom at play, and the more you believe that, the more you trust into that, the less audible the doubts become.

Speaker 2: 7:35

You start to recognize the difference between a fever, which is just an indication of something else happening some recalibration and the flu. Right now, in the schoolish mode, in the more conventional parenting mode, we treat everything like the flu. Oh my God, what, okay, do I need to take this medicine? They need to be getting away from everybody else. They need to be focused in on the healing. It's the flu, so I'm going to treat it with everything I can because I don't want it to become pneumonia. You know, sepsis Like we. Just we go immediately. We start off at like a level seven because we're trying to stop it from getting to a 10.

Speaker 2: 8:15

As you continue to deepen your path and by deepen I mean look more at why you believe what you believe and act how you act and why you resist and why you push, really investigating the why behind what you do, and not so much assuming that whatever you're doing, especially in relation to a kid, is exactly what you should be doing, because you're the parent and you just want what's best for them. Right. So you're already in that level of conversation. You are on what I call the spiritual path. As an unschooler, you are not just thinking about my kid is not going to be in school because of all the issues with school. You don't connect the dish to a whole bunch of other realities that you did not get the chance to notice before, and so in that journey you move from treating everything like the flu to recognizing which things are fevers and which things are your fevers. It's not a fever that you're noticing on them and wanting to treat on them. It's actually your fever, your fever lens that is shaping how you're approaching or viewing what's going on. So that's my recommendation for that particular feeling of I'm not doing enough, recognize it as a fever, not the flu.

Speaker 2: 9:34

That feeling is not evidence that you are not in fact doing enough. What it is is another part of your wisdom checking in and you can respond to it and say which part of this feels legit. What do I want to pay a little bit more attention to? What will I look into and which parts of this? Is just me being able to say thank you for bringing that to my awareness, the noticing that I always want to be checked in, tuned in to the opportunities out there. Right now. I'm good on that. They good. They doing what they want to do, they are engaged, they are happy. Whatever, your indicators are that your child is getting what they need and then if you don't feel like they're getting what they need, that feeling is just an opportunity for you to look at where that need might be met. Maybe it's not you, maybe you are not the solver of that thing, but you can point them in a direction. These are fevers, not the flu.

Speaker 2: 10:38

The second one is really an extension of the first one, which is about managing me, not them, not it, not that choice, basically getting tools for how you manage things. When we talk about deepening our shit in this path and moving away from school or not school, or which class or which curriculum, you're really looking at a type of trade off where you're giving up the idea of a specific outcome when it comes to your child, when it comes to your life. You're giving up the idea of if I do this, then I should be able to get this out of it, trading that in for managing yourself, your reactions, how you respond to choices, to changes, to uncertainty you move away from okay, if I go to this school and get this degree, then I should be able to get this type of job, whether that's for you or your child or a child in your life. You go away from that and say, okay, if I'm actually interested in this thing, not this degree, and I'm going down this path. How can I best take care of myself while I manage the disappointments as well as the joys, the pleasant surprises as well as the unpleasant ones, the uncertainty as well as the points of clarity? If you are deepening your path, you are moving away from an attachment to specific outcomes and formulas and curricula over into being grounded in a certain level of confident autonomy in yourself, in your child, for them, on their behalf, in such a way that it ain't about what does or doesn't happen. It's about how you deal with it and how you are learning to manage choices, changes and uncertainty. So let's talk about the places where you can continue to get this work.

Speaker 2: 12:53

Raisingfreepeople. com, Fare of the Free Child episodes. They not going nowhere, I'm just not doing any more of them. So the 270 plus actually, (because there was some brata between-a- sodes) all of those episodes, one link that you can go to and you'll be able to get access to every single episode. Raisingfreepeople. com. More places you can get this work: The My Reflection Matters space has a Fare of the Free Child village. So if you head over to MyReflectionMatters. org, so many reasons to be part of that space with Chemay, Vanessa, that whole crew. Love y'all. Oh my gosh, so much work there around liberation- centric parenting and ways to be and raise free people. There is a Fare of the Free Child village. I encourage you to feel into some of the questions that come up for you as you listen to the episodes and invite other people into conversation around those things, and the Fare of the Free Child village inside MyReflectionMatters is a great space to do that. Of course, anywhere you're listening to this podcast should be a link to this episode, and there will be links specifically for the MyReflectionMatters village and everything else I talk about in this episode.

Speaker 2: 14:14

Another place to get this work is YouTube. There's a Fare of the Free Child YouTube channel, f-a-r-e of the Free Child. Lots of information about past episodes will be there. I will also be doing occasional videos with people who I wanted to interview on the podcast but didn't get to. But y'all need to know their stories. So I'll be using YouTube for that. Make sure you subscribe to the channel, write that down! Write that down! On YouTube. I will also be uploading lots of new content from the perspective of hindsight -my unschooled OG wisdom lens. So, for example, I plan to do these kind of talk back videos on that channel. For example, you'll see videos that I posted in like 2014, 2015,

Speaker 2: 15:03

Really early on in our journey, and some of those, when I hear what I said or where I was, I'm like, oh girl, keep going, come on, come, come, come. So I want to talk out loud to that version of myself, because I know from your feedback that it's useful to hear things from early on in the journey, especially if you're just getting started on your raising free people work. Like you just came across the podcast or somebody else's work and you're like, oh shit, okay, rabbit hole, Fare of the Free Child! oh my God, but what about this? You know I can speak from those spaces and to those spaces and that's what I plan to play with on YouTube. Yeah, so just make sure you subscribe. It's youtube. com forward slash at fare of the free child. Another spot is our Make it Happen family: patreon. com forward slash Akilah.

Speaker 2: 15:57

I have two staple things on Patreon in addition to just like random everyday awesomeness in between. Not every day, certainly every couple of weeks, maybe even every week, but I have two staple things. They are some type of way Thursdays, or STOWdays. What I plan to do, probably starting towards the end of this year, is that every month I'm gonna pick a Thursday for a live session For just discussion about the journey. It won't be a public live, so you will need a link to get in the room. So join us on patreon and then we'll chop it up on video and in the chat. You know that kind of deal, anything you're feeling some type of weight about on that particular week. We don't hit up a stow day, it's an acronym, some type of away. Okay, also on patreon, I'm gonna share Things like I will invite guests. Sometimes there's so many people like oh my god! Binah Joy.

Speaker 2: 16:53

Who does movement and body work, just people whose work influence my own Capacity to be and raise free people because they help me with my personal leadership. You know, manage the things that are really about me, but it look like it's about my kids, or it look like it's about my relationship with Kris or you know, whatever the thing is. So just different things to name and manage the feelings that come with this commitment to raising free people. I'm gonna be having conversations about that on patreon as well, and doing some of that through some type of away Thursdays, our STOW days. The difference between YouTube and patreon would be that you might see a lightly edited video version of a conversation on YouTube right, so I'll put that on the channel, but then on patreon I might go back and talk about some of what I gathered from the conversation, like a week or a few days later. So our make it happen family Patreon is more of an intimate conversation about the things that we would discuss on YouTube.

Speaker 2: 17:57

The last spot that I will mention to continue to get this work is our online shop, schoolishness. com. Like our make-it-happen family, it's a place where you go to name and manage the feelings that come with this journey of raising and being free people. The difference between the shop and, say, patreon or YouTube is that it gives you Tangible tools and toys for that journey. So some of my own spiritual processes. That's why the practice deck is in there, the card deck. I call that the raising free people practice deck. That really came from me, just using pieces of paper and writing down things that helped me stay in touch and in tune with how I wanted to approach things, how I wanted to Respond, not react, you know, just calling in my own alchemy and then being able to create something from that for other people to use it, just like I use other people's books and card decks and all of that. So it's just some of the ways that I've learned to educate and to connect with this version of myself that is less school-centric and that is not looking for outward validation and a lot of sameness, you know, in order to feel complete or whole or on the right track. So when I get asked questions like how did I get away from being like a nervous, doubtful parent over to a confident unschooler, that is the type of question that the shop offers tools and toys for. So, schoolishness. com, go check it out.

Speaker 2: 19:37

I want to thank you for rocking with me for however long you have been here, whether you started with us in July of 2016, or this is the very first episode you're listening to. I appreciate you could not have done this Well, could not have continued to do this without you, because I did it, because I needed it, but I would not have continued for this long had it not been for your involvement, every single member of our Make it Happen family on Patreon. com all 178 of y'all. At this time I'm not going to say everybody's name, but know that I'm calling in constant gratitude and joy and appreciation for your presence in my life. Stay a part of our Make it Happen family on Patreon. com/akilah. Join anytime you're listening to this episode because the podcast has died, the elder has been laid to rest, but my work as someone shaped divinely by my unschooling path continues and you can see how on Patreon and find all the other spaces where I am doing and living into what I've become as a result of this journey.

Speaker 2: 21:11

Juan Pablo Perez, Fatima Mookadam, Vanessa Molano, Kris Richards, David Amesquita, Daniella Gutierrez Paez, everybody who has worked on any episode of Fare the Free Child Bless, bless, bless, bless. Up yourself. Everybody who has been listening consistently Bless, bless, bless, up yourself. Every version of me that has lived through this podcast. Bless, bless, bless and up myself. You listening, bless you. May your journey to being and raising free people continue to evolve beautifully, love and appreciate you. Chat to you somewhere else in space and time. Peace.

Speaker 1: 22:12

I'm coming from a background Black, british, jamaican parents, all of that culture and hearing about what it was like for them growing up and how they had such a strict upbringing and stuff. So this is what I'm going against, potentially, and I just want some sort of affirmation or reminder of what it means to have and raise free children Really the term free child and kind of like what this means and what this creates and, dare I say, the benefits and the risks of this.

Speaker 2: 23:00

I trust children Fare. The Free Child is a weekly podcast that centres Diverse narratives, insightful commentary, Learning with our children and de-schooling ourselves, Owning our multiple identities and treating children with dignity, Creating community and sharing conversation from often silenced spaces. This statement raising free people what does it mean? What does it look like in action? Is it even possible? Raising free people?

Speaker 2: 23:43

The term and the work that it invokes tends to appeal to a certain type of person, the type of person who has particular, usually unpopular, opinions and motivations for parenting or working with people before they become adults. This work is oriented toward liberatory relationships by trying to avoid or no longer do two things One, we want to avoid or we want to stop unconsciously mimicking the ways that we were parented or treated before we became adults. And two, we want to avoid or we want to stop parenting from a place of anger and anxious reactions to society's ideas on how young people should be raised or treated. Basically, when we say we're raising free people, we've decided that respect and love, not fear and control, will be how we raise and regard the youngest members of our homes and our society.